


The Wonder Keeping the Stars Apart

by SonnetCXVI



Series: The Deepest Secret Nobody Knows [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8766784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonnetCXVI/pseuds/SonnetCXVI
Summary: "I have never loved anyone as I love you."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sexual content.

I

Since Cosima’s relapse, Delphine has become a more intense lover. When they make love, Cosima gets the impression Delphine wants to get into her body with her. Not that she wants to penetrate her in the traditional sense, but that she wants to enter her bloodstream and share her body. Always a gentle lover, Delphine now kisses her more deeply and frequently, presses her weight onto Cosima, reinitiates lovemaking immediately after they have climaxed. She grasps Cosima’s hands, her buttocks. If they have broken eye contact for too long, she searches for Cosima’s face, her eyes conveying what she thinks her arousal or caresses cannot. She seems frantic to maximize their contact, straining to press their bodies together in a way that she thinks will conjoin them. Frequently, she weeps at the moment of orgasm. Cosima has never seen her like this before.

Cosima’s style of lovemaking has always been more playful and exuberant. Imaginative and generous in bed, there is no darkness in her passion. She smiles and makes little jokes as part of foreplay. Sometimes she suggests that they use toys or oils. Delphine doesn’t resist these requests but Cosima knows that she views them as some sort of remove, a membrane between them, no matter how good they feel.

One afternoon, when it is dark and cool from rain, they go to bed after lunch. Their kissing is uncharacteristically unhurried. Delphine strokes Cosima’s cheek with her thumb as they lie with their lips barely touching, their mouths open slightly. She is very gentle, her eyes soft. Instead of intensifying her physicality as she would normally do, she seems content to lie in the darkening room and merely touch, her senses focused on a connection of flesh no larger than a ring box. Cosima is aware of the different kind of intimacy conveyed by this restraint, aware also that she will remember this moment, in particular how Delphine inhales through her mouth to catch Cosima’s breath as she exhales. “ _Je t’aime. Je t’aime,_ ” whispers Delphine. “I have never loved anything as I love you. _Je t’aime,_ ” she whispers again. “ _Je t’aime._ ”

II

It’s late. They have been making love for hours. Eventually, they roll over so that Cosima is lying on her back. Delphine straddles her, hands beside her shoulders. She bends for a kiss and when the kiss is broken, moves her lips to caress Cosima’s eyelids and lashes. Cosima expects her to lie down on her and kiss her again, or to move down between her thighs, but instead Delphine places her lips at Cosima’s temple and drags them slowly down her cheek, then across her jaw to her ear. Delphine is barely touching her when Cosima feels the hairs rising on her arms.

Delphine doesn’t use her tongue as she caresses Cosima, just brushes her skin with her lips. This contact doesn’t seem to be about pleasure. She moves over Cosima’s body as though she is using her animal brain to recognize her in the dark, as though they are swimming among a thousand others and must open every cell to locate a wisp of what connects them. At the base of Cosima’s throat and the crook of her neck, across her shoulder, and then back up to her face and her hair, Delphine searches. Occasionally her lip catches on Cosima’s skin and pulls down, exposing her teeth. When this happens she continues without changing her pace, the tender skin on the inside of her lip another organ with which to examine her. She leaves a little trail of moisture on everything she touches until she changes direction and the lip returns to its normal position. 

Delphine breathes through her mouth and her exhalations brush Cosima’s fine hairs and catch on the places where her skin has been dampened. Cosima finds herself stirred by this sensation, her arousal rerouted from her groin to her skin, which feels electrified. Nonetheless, her genitals tumesce and weep as Delphine continues to trace her with her lips, moving down from her ear to her neck, to her breastbone, and to her breasts. But Delphine does not pause there as in the normal progression of their lovemaking. She moves instead to Cosima’s armpit, pushing her arms above her head and dragging her lips and nose across the creases and bulges of this private place and then down her arm to the inside of her elbow and her wrist. 

As the touching continues, Delphine becomes more forceful and begins to rub her nose and cheeks against Cosima’s skin, lingering in the places on Cosima’s body that are especially fragrant: underneath her breasts, along her scalp, and in the creases of her groin. She doesn’t open her eyes.

Cosima is moved by Delphine’s ministrations, by the emotion radiating from her. She is sure now that Delphine is not trying to evoke a sexual reaction in her, despite her body’s response. Instead, Delphine is straining toward her as across a divide, seeking some part of Cosima that is unobtainable through eyes or fingertips, her scent or her pheromones perhaps. She continues to press and to rub, but instead of feeling sated, she seems unable to gather up whatever it is she is trying so very hard to pull to herself. 

After a while Cosima begins to cry, tears gathering in her ears. Her arousal subsides, replaced, as Delphine becomes more agitated, by concern that Delphine is going somewhere dark where she cannot follow. As much as Cosima wants to comfort her, to pull her back, she is afraid that if she reaches out she will break the moment and Delphine’s chance to find relief. She senses that Delphine must grasp for herself whatever she is searching for; Cosima doesn’t know what it is or how to help her find it. So she lies still and offers her body to be touched.

Delphine shifts her weight to one arm and pulls Cosima’s hand to her face, pressing into the open palm, pressing hard because Cosima’s fingers are supported by her own. It is a gesture that Delphine has used many times and one which usually evokes Cosima’s returned caress, but now Cosima wills herself to remain still. Delphine pulls Cosima’s hand into her golden hair and then down to her chest, rubbing it back and forth across her breasts and nipples, down the breastbone, and lower, between her legs, just long enough to wet the fingers. Then she presses her scent onto Cosima’s breasts before pulling the hand back to herself. 

But she is not sated. She begins to strike her chest with their entwined hands, softly at first and then more forcefully, as though she is trying to loosen something. The look on her face is heartbreaking. Cosima’s heart rate quickens from panic and adrenaline and she rises slightly to put a stop to this; she’s not sure Delphine registers this movement but she stops, so Cosima lies back down, heart pounding. 

Delphine releases Cosima’s hand and begins again to touch her lover’s body, parting her lips and using her tongue this time, bending lower so that her breasts make contact as well, pressing urgently forward to a conclusion that Cosima cannot imagine. 

When Delphine finally moves lower and begins to rub her face and hair across Cosima’s groin and between her legs, both lovers are wet with perspiration, tears, saliva, and arousal. Delphine’s arms and the long muscles in her thighs are quivering from the strain of holding her body above Cosima’s for so long. Her skin is scarlet from exertion and from being struck. She is panting. There is no sensuality in her, only desperation. _Jesus Christ,_ Cosima screams silently. _What is it? What do you need?_

And then she knows. 

_She is trying to imprint on me. She wants to mark me and for me to mark her. She is trying to mate with me. Oh Jesusgod,_ she realizes, _she is trying to keep me from leaving her._

Finally it is over. Delphine, hunched between Cosima’s legs, lays her forehead on Cosima’s belly and goes limp. She begins to cry. 

“Come here, come here” says Cosima, and gathers Delphine onto her chest, rocking and murmuring to her as her crying turns into sobbing and then into keening. But she won’t be comforted; she begins to thrash and to pull at her hair and Cosima must struggle to keep her still. Her weeping is so forceful that Cosima is afraid that she will begin to retch. 

This is something that Cosima has never witnessed before: a person utterly exposed like this, flayed and laid out without restraint, unstitched, desperate and outside itself. Cosima closes her eyes and holds onto her weeping lover. She thinks that her heart may break from accepting the weight of it.

III

It begins slowly, deep in the darkness, when the bed is rumpled and warm from their bodies. They are easy in their rest, silent; there is just the gentle susurration of their skin brushing as they settle and turn in their sleep, touching unaware. Their exhalations mingle in the warm air and their heartbeats are steady and strong, the catch and draw that pulls them in their little boat across the surface of the night. They are lovely in their repose.

Cosima stirs and after a moment Delphine begins to swim up, muttering, “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. It was just a dream.”

Delphine wraps herself around Cosima by instinct, resting her limp hand on the soft skin between her breasts. She clears her throat a little. “Are you OK?”

“A good dream.”

“Mmmm. What was it?”

Cosima moves a bit, so that she is touching more of Delphine’s body. “You were in it,” she says. “We were swimming in the ocean, under the surface. I could tell the sun was high because the water was bright blue. It was filled with shafts of light and speckled with plankton and little animals. We didn’t have on clothes or masks, but we could breathe. It was so easy to turn and glide, it was like we were seals or otters or something. It was exhilarating. We kept twisting around each other and kissing.” She reaches up, gently grasping Delphine’s forearm. 

“You were so beautiful. Your hair was full of little bubbles. It looked like a crown.”

Delphine shifts slightly, pushing over so that she is tucked up tight against Cosima. Cosima can hear Delphine’s breath near her ear, feels her hand open on her chest. Their bare bodies begin to awaken, pressed length to length in the depths of the bed. 

“What a lovely dream,” Delphine murmurs. 

Cosima turns her head toward her lover and says thickly, “You were pregnant with my child. I loved you so much. I was so happy.”

Delphine turns Cosima in her arms and they embrace, pressing their bodies flush. They kiss. Then she pulls back so that she can see Cosima’s face. 

_“Je t’adore_ , Cosima. This feeling, my love for you … it’s an actual physical sensation in my chest, here beneath my throat. I feel as though I need to get it out of me and put it inside of you. All the time. But I never can.”

Cosima leans forward to kiss her. They kiss as they always do, changing the angle of their mouths frequently, pulling back in order to reconnect, touching tongues and withdrawing, gently pulling at each other’s lips. This is the part of their lovemaking that is fecund with romantic love, when they open and make promises with their bodies. 

In happier times Delphine used to linger in these moments, steadily bailing her emotions into Cosima’s willing arms to keep her heart from swamping. Now she is panicked by how quickly the water rises inside her when they touch; she is overwhelmed by her need to fill Cosima with her love and desire before she chokes to death on the fear that illness has brought into their lives. She wants to be gentle but she’s too frightened; they are drowning and she must beat back death. 

Delphine grasps Cosima at the base of the skull and pulls firmly, pressing their mouths tightly, painfully together. They can feel each other’s teeth behind their lips, the sharp pinch startling and erotic. When she releases, she drags her tongue across Cosima’s lips and then back before thrusting it between her teeth and into her waiting mouth. She doesn’t withdraw this time. She opens Cosima’s mouth wide with her own and presses their tongues together, flipping their bodies so that she is lying atop her lover, their breasts compressed by the force of their embrace. 

Cosima’s gut coils, the nerve endings in her skin spark to attention, and she kisses back. They push and slide against each other, nipping and groaning into each other’s mouths. Their hands are clenching, clutching things, scrabbling at backs and shoulders, twining and releasing fingers until Delphine reaches down to grasp Cosima by the buttocks and press them together more firmly at the groin. The orientation is wrong. She scoots up to accommodate the difference in their heights.

They begin to rock, breaking their kiss, and Delphine presses her face into the hair behind Cosima’s ear, telling her in French and English how much she loves her, how much she wants to fuck her, how much she wants to defy biology and create a child. She switches to coarse French when she can’t think of the English words for the eroticisms that she describes as she pulls Cosima’s leg up to spread her vulva. Although Cosima doesn’t understand most of what she is saying beyond the words for _fuck_ and _push_ , she understands the intent, she can read the urgency, and this enflames her. They sit up and scissor their legs, leaning back on their hands so that they are pressed together, sex to sex. This position is more intense and Cosima can see more of Delphine. She can see where they are pressed together and she begins to arch her back and moan in little bursts as Delphine drives her up the steep, sharp slope of orgasm. Cosima is stimulated easily; she often comes several times before her lover finishes, so Delphine feels no need to hold back or catch up. “Look at me,” she urges when Cosima closes her eyes at the end. “Look at me. I want you to see that it’s me.” 

Cosima drops panting onto her back and Delphine lays down beside her, kissing up her cheek to her temple. “You are so beautiful. You break my heart,” she murmurs.

Cosima has been recovering only moments when Delphine pulls her leg up over her thigh to open her again, and reaches over their bodies to rest her hand on the small patch of damp hair between Cosima’s legs. Cosima turns her face to look at her, grins and says, “That was fantastic. The soles of my feet are burning.” 

Delphine’s response is a smile and eyes filled with love. Then she begins to speak with intensity and emotion. “I love you so much. I want you all the time. And I think sometimes as I watch your face …. ” She searches for words. “I wish for a way to touch more of you. I know how your muscles and blood vessels and nerve endings work, how they are firing when we make love. I know that your brain is releasing chemicals. I know that by some magic all of this, these mechanics, make you what you are, and I want … I want to thrust my hands into it and pull it to me. I want to rub it on my body. I hate ….” Her face scrunches up and her voice flutters. “I hate that we are separated. I hate that I cannot find another way ….” She begins to cry. 

Cosima turns to her and begins to kiss her. Sweet, comforting kisses to her wet eyes, her cheeks and her mouth. “Shhh. Don’t cry, baby. Shhh. I know. I know.” When Delphine calms, Cosima wipes at her face to remove the tears. Then she pinches Delphine’s nostrils together and pulls down lightly to clear them, reaching behind herself to clean her fingers on the sheet. When she turns back she begins to kiss Delphine in earnest. Their emotions are high so there is no foreplay.

After a moment Delphine flips Cosima onto her back again and sits astride her hips. She reaches forward to caress Cosima’s breasts, drawing her spread fingertips down her chest and over the tender flesh a few times before turning her fingers toward the breastbone and cupping her breasts gently, squeezing the nipples lightly with her thumbs. Cosima’s nipples are so sensitive that she can come without genital stimulation; she begins to gasp almost immediately. Delphine’s arousal ratchets up. Like Cosima, her sexual response is highly visual and watching Cosima during lovemaking is fundamental to her pleasure. The sight of her flesh touching Cosima’s flesh, the flushing of Cosima’s face and chest as her capillaries dilate with her arousal, Cosima’s brown nipples beneath her white hands: these images thrill and excite her. “Help me,” she groans. 

Cosima takes Delphine’s hands from her breasts and places them on her hips so that Delphine can brace. She reaches between them, palm upward, encouraging Delphine to rise slightly and scoot down so that she can push into her with her fingers. Immediately Delphine presses down, sucks in her lip with a hiss and begins to stroke. Cosima pulls her thumb into her palm, rocking her hand until she is positioned where she thinks it will provide Delphine with the most stimulation. After a few thrusts, her hand is slick.

She curls her fingers forward, clutching Delphine’s thigh with her free hand, and watches Delphine move above her. Her hair has fallen forward and ripples back and forth with her movements. Her breasts move against her chest wall, the nipples pale and soft, not yet erect. 

Delphine reaches down and clutches Cosima’s hand, pressing it more firmly against herself. She throws her head back and thrusts in this position for a few moments and then releases the hand so that she can again brace herself, this time moving her hands to the bed on either side of Cosima’s waist. She begins to grind at the bottom of her strokes. Cosima curls and uncurls her fingers, feeling for the clenching that will signal Delphine’s impending orgasm, and watches her face. Her skin is pink, her eyes are trained on Cosima’s, her mouth is open and she’s making little “oh” sounds with each thrust. She is beginning the climb. 

Cosima shifts her hand slightly, so that her down-turned knuckles press against her sex. Once Delphine gets close, the thrusting against her hand will be enough to finish her as well. Delphine begins to whimper. She shifts her gaze to Cosima’s breasts and implores Cosima, as she moves against her fingers, “Touch. I want to see you touch.”

Cosima reaches with her free hand and grasps her nipple. She twists, pulls. They lock eyes. Cosima’s hand is braced against her sex and Delphine is pushing, pushing, pushing. The water recedes.


End file.
